sex, and the romance novel
Ah, my first romance novel. I was 14 years old, reading my very first sex scene in the back of my parent’s station wagon heading towards our family summer vacation. My face was eight shades of scarlet and I kept looking over my book at my brothers, sister, father and step-mom with shifty eyes certain they knew what I was reading. I remember holding my breath for entire sex passages and reading the “good stuff” over and over again.
Like many women, Harlequin romances were my introductory sex education manuals. In the year 2005, studies have taken this concept a step further to say women who often or always read romance novels are less likely to divorce. Ladies, here is a great reason to actively read smut, and often.
Apparently, Harlequin romance novels sell 160 million copies per year with 53% of all mass-market paperback books sold being Romances. In fact, romance novels earn more money in the USA yearly than their national pastime sport of baseball.
I have a love/ hate relationship with romance novels. So here is the good, the bad and the ugly on this genre of book.
The Good: Romance novels provide entertainment, pleasure, escapism, a chance to relax, and an opportunity for the reader to use their imagination. Romances are usually about healthy relationships thus offering readers optimism and hope for their own.
The heroines in romance novels can be excellent role models: they are strong, smart characters possessing tons of moxy, and refuse to be any man’s doormat. These women courageously tackle their problems head-on, are risk-takers and hold fast to their convictions.
I also am an advocate of romance novels because they get a woman’s sexual juices flowing. A friend gave me a great idea that I like to share with other women. She keeps an erotica book in her bathroom ensuite for those times when she comes home exhausted and still wants to have sex. When things start to get going in her bedroom, she excuses herself for a couple of pages of erotica and then she is ready to roll.
The Bad: I do not like romance novels because they set-up unrealistic expectations about how a woman should be in bed.
It would seem no matter what kind of day the heroine has had, if she is tired to the bone, filthy from fighting off pirates, she is still able to immediately shut off her brain and turn on her body. I have read many passages like, “After our three day adventure in the jungle, when I saw him my body started to smolder. Where he touched me left burning marks of desire waiting and wanting to be touched there some more.”
Most women I know, when they come home after a hard day of fighting pirates just want to take a nice hot bath and go to sleep. Also, I wonder how in lust couple this now blissful couple will be in three years when life, work and other commitments have taken over.
The Ugly: I cringe every single time I read a passage describing the heroine having a mind-blowing orgasm the instant her hero enters her. I have read countless passages describing sex as some kind of explosion, “As his rock hard mound of steel penetrated me, my body shuttered and spasmed and I lost control of myself in his manliness.”
If you have ever had sex, you will know this is pure fiction, a falsity on how the average woman’s biology works. Perhaps you are thinking this is no-brainer information. Sadly, in the top five questions I receive from women it would be: I can have a clitoral orgasm but I still cannot seem to have a vaginal orgasm. Can you please tell me how I can have vaginal orgasms too?
Let me set the record straight. Only a small percentage of the female population can have a vaginal orgasm; most women can only have a clitoral orgasm.
In an effort to understand why writers keep producing this mythical rubbish, I took my sex scene beef to the source. While at the 2004 Surrey Writer’s Conference, I asked a gaggle of romance chick-lit writers why they do not write more realistic sex scenes. They simply looked at me as if I had three heads. Their retort back was, “How could I possibly let my mother read a realistic sex scene after I have written it?”
I guess the conclusion is to indulge your interest in romance novels and absolutely enjoy every single minute. However, while reading, understand this book is a work of fiction – real life and sexual relationships usually do not work that way.
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Tags: fantasy, romance novel, Sex
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Sex
dpowell23
I'm not trying to be pervise or rude, but I've searched all over the internet and can''t find a straight answer to this question. Do women have orgasms while reading sex scenes in romance novels ? If that is true that women do, isn't that almost like having an affair?
DaveBrown
@dpowell, I have to ask – what would constitute a straight answer for you? Are you annoyed that no-one is telling you what you want to hear?
I can't speak for Trina on this one, but to your questions, I would say:
1) rarely do women (or men) have orgasms simply by reading, but there are a lucky few whose imagination alone can be that poweful!
2) I think an “affair” is defined by the expectations set out earlier in the relationship. Some may agree on the outset that the relationship is “open”, whereby a physical encounter outside the relationship is NOT an affair to them. Others may agree up front that merely an intimate thought of another person is enough to constitute an “affair.”
The most important thing here is what YOU think. So…what DO you think?
dpowell23
First Dave, let me say thank you for replying to my original question. I haven't yet seen Trina's response, but as a straight forward answer to your initial question, it's not that I'm not hearing what I want to hear, until now I haven't heard any thing. Just a general search through Yahoo or Google provides nothing in direct context to my question. The Disqus website was my first attempt to get interactive feed back vs. “see if my question is already answered on line”.
Your answer #1 affirms my opinion, but I needed to know the answer. I got it today when my wife and I had an unusually open and honest discussion about this and a few other topics. I will say this though, from some of the pop-ups on the internet it seems there are women that will orgasm, or want to, if the wind blows.
Your answer #2, I was referring to a monogamous relationship. In that context, if a partner, male or female, were to regularly have sex, though NOT with another person, would that be an affair ?
You must have your laptop at the care center. I hope you're feeling better each day
and I look forward to seeing you again soon.
Daryl
—– Original Message —–
From: Disqus
To: daryl.k.powel@verizon.net
Sent: Sunday, May 09, 2010 5:04 PM
Subject: [miuzublog] Re: sex, and the romance novel
DaveBrown wrote, in response to dpowell23:
@dpowell, I have to ask – what would constitute a straight answer for you? Are you annoyed that no-one is telling you what you want to hear?
I can't speak for Trina on this one, but to your questions, I would say:
1) rarely do women (or men) have orgasms simply by reading, but there are a lucky few whose imagination alone can be that poweful!
2) I think an “affair” is defined by the expectations set out earlier in the relationship. Some may agree on the outset that the relationship is “open”, whereby a physical encounter outside the relationship is NOT an affair to them. Others may agree up front that merely an intimate thought of another person is enough to constitute an “affair.”
The most important thing here is what YOU think. So…what DO you think?
Link to comment: http://www.miuzu.com/blog/sex-and-the-romance-n...
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dpowell23
I think any sexual activity that reduces the amount of sexual activity one has with their partner, would have to be analyzed. If it's “in additon to” I probably would not call that an affair. If it replaces activity with the partner, thus activity with the partner is less than what it other wise would be, then yes, maybe that's an affair.
DaveBrown
Daryl,
Don't believe everything that the pop-ups say. But I'm sure you alread know that.
And…
The relationship you described is NOT monogamous. And assuming that the activity goes outside of the expectations laid out between the partners, I'd say, forget the labels!!! That's a distraction from the real issue. These two people need to have a conversation about resetting expectations!
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