MIUZU

Ah, my first romance novel. I was 14 years old, reading my very first sex scene in the back of my parent’s station wagon heading towards our family summer vacation. My face was eight shades of scarlet and I kept looking over my book at my brothers, sister, father and step-mom with shifty eyes certain they knew what I was reading. I remember holding my breath for entire sex passages and reading the “good stuff” over and over again.

Like many women, Harlequin romances were my introductory sex education manuals. In the year 2005, studies have taken this concept a step further to say women who often or always read romance novels are less likely to divorce. Ladies,  here is a great reason to actively read smut, and often.

Apparently, Harlequin romance novels sell 160 million copies per year with 53% of all mass-market paperback books sold being Romances. In fact, romance novels earn more money in the USA yearly than their national pastime sport of baseball.

I have a love/ hate relationship with romance novels. So here is the good, the bad and the ugly on this genre of book.

The Good: Romance novels provide entertainment, pleasure, escapism, a chance to relax, and an opportunity for the reader to use their imagination. Romances are usually about healthy relationships thus offering readers optimism and hope for their own.

The heroines in romance novels can be excellent role models: they are strong, smart characters possessing tons of moxy, and refuse to be any man’s doormat. These women courageously tackle their problems head-on, are risk-takers and hold fast to their convictions.

I also am an advocate of romance novels because they get a woman’s sexual juices flowing. A friend gave me a great idea that I like to share with other women. She keeps an erotica book in her bathroom ensuite for those times when she comes home exhausted and still wants to have sex. When things start to get going in her bedroom, she excuses herself for a couple of pages of erotica and then she is ready to roll.

The Bad: I do not like romance novels because they set-up unrealistic expectations about how a woman should be in bed.

It would seem no matter what kind of day the heroine has had, if she is tired to the bone, filthy from fighting off pirates, she is still able to immediately shut off her brain and turn on her body. I have read many passages like, “After our three day adventure in the jungle, when I saw him my body started to smolder. Where he touched me left burning marks of desire waiting and wanting to be touched there some more.”

Most women I know, when they come home after a hard day of fighting pirates just want to take a nice hot bath and go to sleep. Also, I wonder how in lust couple this now blissful couple will be in three years when life, work and other commitments have taken over.

The Ugly: I cringe every single time I read a passage describing the heroine having a mind-blowing orgasm the instant her hero enters her. I have read countless passages describing sex as some kind of explosion, “As his rock hard mound of steel penetrated me, my body shuttered and spasmed and I lost control of myself in his manliness.”

If you have ever had sex, you will know this is pure fiction, a falsity on how the average woman’s biology works. Perhaps you are thinking this is no-brainer information. Sadly, in the top five questions I receive from women it would be: I can have a clitoral orgasm but I still cannot seem to have a vaginal orgasm. Can you please tell me how I can have vaginal orgasms too?

Let me set the record straight. Only a small percentage of the female population can have a vaginal orgasm; most women can only have a clitoral orgasm.

In an effort to understand why writers keep producing this mythical rubbish, I took my sex scene beef to the source. While at the 2004 Surrey Writer’s Conference, I asked a gaggle of romance chick-lit writers why they do not write more realistic sex scenes. They simply looked at me as if I had three heads. Their retort back was, “How could I possibly let my mother read a realistic sex scene after I have written it?”

I guess the conclusion is to indulge your interest in romance novels and absolutely enjoy every single minute. However, while reading, understand this book is a work of fiction – real life and sexual relationships usually do not work that way.

My goal is simple: to help couples in long term relationships have fun and meaningful sex on a consistent basis.

What a challenge!  The daily grind of life discourages many couples from having or keeping any momentum in their sex life.  Matters are worsened with major events, like having a baby or relocating for a new job.  It is incredibly easy for couples to create poor sex habits in a relatively short period of time.

Sexologist Dr. Bernie Zilbergeld researched what makes for happy, healthy sexual relations between long term couples. He found two keys:

1. Being good friends;
2. Consistently making an effort to have sex.

His claims may seem simplistic,  but my experience has convinced me he is absolutely correct.  It`s therefore these two things that I try to emphasize in all of my writing, speeches and media work.

How Do I see My Role?

As a sex educator, it is my job to get the correct information about sexuality out to the masses. There’s so much misinformation floating around about sexuality that the average person has a very skewed perspective on what healthy sexuality actually is.

My commitment is to educate people on what is true. This isn`t always easy when we all come from different backgrounds. I strongly believe meeting people where they are at in their sexual mindset—even if it goes completely against what I believe.

Shoving my opinion down someone’s throat is counterproductive and a waste of everyone’s time. When I’m able to empathize with a person’s viewpoint and help shift their perspective just a tiny bit, I feel I feel I`ve been successful.

What impact have I seen in the lives of women (and men) I’ve coached?

Most couples who come to see me feel their sexual differences are insurmountable; when in fact, with just a few mediated sessions sexual differences are often bridged. And, not surprisingly, it opens up a flood gate of sexual desire leading to much more fulfilling sex.   Unless the couple has past sexual dysfunctions or other challenges (i.e. rape), it’s relatively easy and quick to get their sex life back on track.

What is most satisfying for me is to see couples walking in with BIG smiles on their faces. They’ve reconnected not only in their sexual relationship but in their overall relationship as well.

Why does the MIUZU concept interest me?

MIUZU also believes that sex is so much more than the ten to fifteen minutes focused only on orgasm. They take a more broad look at sexuality, sensuality and the setting for intimacy.

MIUZU has exceptionally high standards and I feel very comfortable encouraging couples to consider MIUZU products.

Why do I think it’s important?

Plain and simple, it helps get you in the mood.

Surrounding yourself with sensual beauty can only help to enhance your sexual desire. MIUZUs line of products can help a couple create an aesthetically appealing, constant reminder that sexuality does play an important factor in their lives.   I love the idea of creating a space for sexual adventure…without the need to dismantle and hide it when friends and relatives drop in!

I`m very excited to work with MIUZU well into the future.  I hope you`ll love what we do…

Dr. Trina

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If you’d like to know a little bit more about me, and what’s behind my inspiration, I think this interview says it all:

I make it a regular practice to scan the latest design magazines.  One of my faves is Wallpaper. I was overjoyed to see the July issue – the front cover of which promised a smorgasbord of tantalizing visuals and compelling content – where sex meets design.

Finding this incredible work in such a mainstream magazine is incredibly inspiring.  The things that Saville and his project partner Nick Knight say about this concept perfectly capture an important precept behind MIUZU. In Nick Knight’s words:

“You’re not just producing objects to be a part of your sex life, you’re actually sexualizing the whole of your environment.”

Some of the furnishings portrayed are quite scandalous.  I’ve held for a long time that fetish is too marginal and intimidating (dare I say unappetizing?) for most people.  That said, in the context of impeccably good taste, it can take on a very different erotic flavour.  Needless to say, I welcome feedback from anyone who cares to comment!

Please do follow the link to SHOWstudio.  The content there is delicious, intelligent, and plentiful.  While you’re at it, look around youtube for Peter Saville interviews.  The guy is a genius, and is notable for some monumental work in graphic design for pop music.  It’s fair to say that most designers worth their weight have been influenced by him.

Bonus points to anyone who knows him and adds some thoughts at the end of this post.  I’ll end it for now, but will most likely come back later to augment this entry.

Sex is an awesome privilege.  A gift of being human. In it, we can escape the frenzy of the day, seek refuge from worries about duty, connect with ourselves and others, and experience moments that we remember for the rest of our lives.

But like in any grand human pursuit, we need the guidance of sages.  No matter how smart and sophisticated we may think ourselves.

At MIUZU, we love DESIGN.  But DESIGN is worthless if it doesn’t connect with people. So I’ve always known that we needed to offer more than just objects and environmental concepts.

A few months back, I had the pleasure of meeting a Canadian sexologist whose main thesis addresses the challenge of keeping eroticism alive and well in modern life.  And when I read her book, Til Sex Do Us Part, I was sold:  we need this gal to strengthen the foundation of our proposition.

After all, where there is sex, there are people, and where there are people, there are agenda.  Trina’s work is all about aligning agenda – so sex works for people.

To get started, Trina will be mining from her massive collection of writings to provide you with advice and insight that you will find compelling and useful.  In the future, expect all sorts of interesting new ideas to emerge from our collaboration.

Trina, we’re glad you’re here!

Dave

Fairly regularly, I run into people that struggle in resolving their religious convictions with their sexual urges.  Sometimes, it’s apparent that their choice is to shut down the sexual side of their life.  Or at least to try to – in an effort that rarely proves both healthy and successful.

Having talked to the number of people I have, and having read as much as I have on the topic, I think that the struggle is widespread, deeply entrenched in myth, and so unnecessary.

I’m always refreshed to read stories of hope for the affected masses.  CNN published a piece from OPRAH.COM on this topic yesterday, which can be found here.

Church offers sex education program for adults (from OPRAH.COM)

The story chronicles the initiative of the Unitarian Universalist Association (UUA) and the United Church of Christ (UCC).  The program is aptly named Our Whole Lives (OWL): Sexuality Education for Adults.  The PR director for one of the churches declared: “We see sexuality as a very important part of the human experience that is lifelong.  It is who we are in our core. We feel it has to be integrated into our spirituality because, for us, spirituality is about wholeness.”

Fantastic.

Instigating fear and ignorance in people about sex is a great way to control them, but it does them more harm than good.  It’s good to see churches choosing another path toward serving their congregations.

If you read the whole piece, you’ll see that the content in the course is very smart and sophisticated – not just for those who have been sheltered all their lives.

It’s a great start.  Maybe one day all religions will broadly embrace this approach.

Dave

Read this entry:

Huffington Post

It describes the drama unfolding between a small Christian church and some of the people at the school that houses the church.  Apparently the church is promoting healthy sex for its constituents.  Instead of the common threats of “eternal damnation for those who don’t repent”, they are offering a solution to a challenge plaguing a great many married Americans: a drab or non-existant sex life.  They are making their appeal public, and that seems to be causing the backlash.

This story captures the angst behind one of humanity’s most beloved and feared pastimes. Sex is ok, as long as we don’t talk about it.  Especially in front of the kids.

I will challenge the naysayers with a counterpoint:  perhaps sex is NOT ok because we don’t talk about it…especially in front of the kids.  After all, we all were kids once.
Dave